The 385 Guide: How to Live a Happy Life

To Live a Happy Life You Have to Change Your Attitude and Change Your Perspective. How do you do that? Read the 385 Guide to a Happy Life below to find out.

Some time ago, I was asked to participate in a podcast, something I’d never done before. I was to be the Guest of the Week in a series of interviews dedicated to mothers.

My job was to advise on my Guide to a Happy Life as a successful Wife/Mother. The interviewer, Monette, asked me,

“Tell us, how does one have it all?”

My first thought was, I have absolutely no idea! Quite frankly, I thought she’d asked the wrong person. I struggle with the same trials and tribulations as every other wife and mother, and I certainly didn’t consider myself as having it all.

If I were being completely honest, I didn’t think of myself at all. Up until that moment, I didn’t see myself as a cast-member in the Production of the Hall Family.

I WAS THE STAGEHAND

That’s sad isn’t it? How we tend to do that, place ourselves last or not at all. I didn’t even realize I did it until she questioned me on it.

Suddenly there was a big, bright spotlight directed at The Hall Family, and I had to step outside of myself to get a proper look.

Monette perceived me to be very much in control and the benefactor, indeed, of “having it all”. Clearly, my vision was skewed (pun intended).

Monette, thought this was super hilarious and stuck to her guns, positive I was the right choice for the subject.

As it turned out, the interview process provided the perfect opportunity to examine my life, my accomplishments. It was an eye-opener for sure! And I learned a profound lesson in perspective.

In a flash, I realized that while I may be a stagehand for sure, nurturing, and providing all my family’s needs 24/7, I was also much more than that!

I WAS THE DIRECTOR!

The look inward prompted a heart-to-heart with The Hubster, in which he said, “It’s terrible you don’t realize your importance, Cyn, because this family doesn’t work without you.”

That was it in a nutshell. I Didn’t Realize Anything. I was soon redefining the “aspect ratio” of my life, and it was a game-changer.

With the renewed understanding of my value in my household, I was better prepared to answer her question. However, I bear no secrets.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and what you see is what you get. Plus, my life is simple:

I love my husband, I love my children, I love my parents, my siblings, my friends. Regardless of the ups and downs, I love my life. And then I saw it – clear as the sky on a bright, spring day.  All my blessings stem from one fact:

I CHOOSE LOVE

Despite all the botheration that life can throw, the disappointments and sorrows, my life is good because I’m rich in love. I purposefully choose LOVE.

Delving deeper, I realized I do have a few tools that propagate The Happy Zone, and I’m going to share them with you.

Before we dive in, however, please understand, I haven’t “mastered” all these concepts. I, too, am a work in progress, an endeavor I don’t believe I’ll ever complete. #Perpetual Student. But take heart, I apply my 385 Life, Guide to a Happy Life daily.

Also, it’s not mentioned in the tips below because it’s sort of all encompassing, but above all else, Communication is King, both verbal and non-verbal.

Speak what’s in your heart when you feel compelled to. Don’t leave things unsaid. The words unspoken are usually the loudest and can breed discord.

I hope these tools help you Change Your Attitude, Change Your Perspective, and ultimately Change Your Life for the better.

THE 385 GUIDE TO A HAPPY LIFE

1. Age Doesn’t Matter

Those who know me would find this hard to believe, but for the sake of transparency:  I struggle with this one. 

We’ve all heard it before, and I believe it intellectually, but in the trenches of everyday life, it can elude me. I start the day giving myself the pep talk, “You can do anything! You’re capable of wonders! You’re the bomb.com!” But as the day draws to an end, my exuberance fades, and I wonder…

• How many gray hairs do I have now?
• What does that scale say?
• Just how tired can I get?
• How old am I going to be this year?

Then I stress about the Nugget at issue: that all these things “wrong” with highlight my insignificance. That I no longer matter. That I’m yesterday’s news, and by the end of the day, I’m exhausted.

I don’t dwell on it all the time, but I have my bad days dealing with the inevitability of aging. Therefore, if you struggle with this one know you’re not alone! 

We must work on it together, though, because the cliches are true: age is nothing but a number, and we’re only as old as we feel.

We can’t allow the perceived negativity of aging to define our happiness. It’ll keep us from trying new things or achieving new goals. We’ll never grow and evolve, which would be a shame.

2. Perfection is Pointless, Effort is Key

We’re not meant to be perfect.  Perfection doesn’t exist.  We’re not meant to be “controlling” either. We’re Fabulously Flawed individuals. Just keep repeating this to yourself as much as you need to until you Get It.

Life is thoroughly tiresome when you strive for perfection because sooner or later, you’ll fail.

This doesn’t mean you don’t give it your all; quite the contrary. Whatever the situation, give it your best effort. Your conscience will let you know if you are. The point is to do your best.

Take note if you’re being lazy, though, because a lackadaisical approach will yield a lackadaisical result. That’s not to say we don’t get tired. Of course, we do!

We all need time to decompress, especially in a world where things rarely go as planned. But, Its OK, don’t fret. Allow yourself time to regroup and don’t feel guilty about it.  

After the much needed mental break, jump back in. If mistakes happen, and they will, Modify on the Fly. Focus on your effort and integrity instead of meeting a ridiculous, unattainable standard.

3. You’re Only Responsible for Your Own Happiness

It’s impossible to make everyone happy, so don’t even try.  It’s futile and your energy is better placed elsewhere. Repeat this to yourself right now:

• I can’t please everyone all of the time.

If that doesn’t work, repeat this to yourself right now:

• You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.

I’m not entirely sure if that helps, but I had to lighten the mood!

You know how it goes:  you cook a meal and someone will complain, you go in a certain direction and someone will point out a “better” direction. You paint a picture, and someone doesn’t appreciate or understand it.

Some people won’t be on your same page, and guess what? Its OK.

Release the need to be accepted by all because the concept of acceptance has to do with their level of understanding and perception; it has nothing to do with you, your efforts, or your intentions, which leads me to…

4. The Only Person You Can Change is Yourself

No amount of advice you dole out, teachings you instill, examples you display will change anyone at any time (the reverse is also true).  Those who want to change, will, of their own accord; those who don’t, won’t.  It’s that simple.  

Also, change is an umbrella word for growth. Some people aren’t ready for growth, are too stubborn for growth, are happy as they are and don’t care to grow; or – and this is the most important part – some people are growing in a different direction than you are.

Allow those people the space they need as you would appreciate the same. By contrast, keep on the look-out for the Debbie Downers and Constant Complainers.  

These are people who weigh you down. They provide excuses instead of solutions; people with selective hearing, people who aren’t giving you the space to be you.

Spotter Tip: they’re usually lazy in their efforts, as mentioned above, or they’re so self-absorbed, that everyone else pales by comparison.

These “woe is me” individuals, wrap themselves around your ankles and keep you in the muck they live in; after all, Misery Loves Company.

It can be difficult to steer through this when these attributes materialize in the people we love the most, such as a spouse, parents, siblings, etc.

No use sugarcoating it, though, that situation can be super challenging to deal with, but as delicately as possible, deal with it we must. The other side of this coin is…

5. Everyone is on Their Own Life Path

Everyone is on their own journey, but that’s not the Nugget of Knowledge here.  Let me break it down:

Your likes, your passions, your desires…the common denominator here is YOU. They’re yours, they’re personal, they lift you up; that’s your journey.

The problem is we tell ourselves we understand this concept, but we only give it a general consideration, as in “that person over there should be able to do whatever they want to do”.

The take-away here, the Nugget, is that very rarely do people accept this as a universal truth, and as such, must be applied to everyone, including spouses, parents, children, and siblings; the people closest to us.

Since we don’t all have the same passions, this acknowledgment can create a perception of detachment from our loved ones, which can be scary because it leaves us feeling vulnerable and lonely.

But that’s why we call it sharing our lives. Let that sink in.

You’re sharing your life with your family and friends, and they may not understand you all of the time.  

Your passions may or may not speak to them, as they do to you, but that’s OK because they’re on their journeys. Try to be more understanding.

Remember, they have lives that you may not fully understand and passions that don’t move you, but you love them. Therefore, continue supporting them, and continue to accept support and love from them in return.

Case in point:  I love to dance, a lot! My husband doesn’t, but he doesn’t take that passion away from me.  “You go, Girl,” can often be heard while I’m doin’ my thang. This is a small example, I know, but one I hope helps.

Remember to be respectful of their journeys as you wish them to be respectful of yours.

6. Harbor No Ill Will

Try your best not to be judgmental. When you judge others it puts a cap on your own growth; it stunts you at the level you’re at in that moment.

A closed mind is a breeding ground for ignorance.

Conversely, an open mind will enrich your life with a multitude of colors. Enlist compassion, empathy, and understanding in your life and believe me, you’ll be so much happier for it.

If someone is judging you, try to remember that the judgment is symptomatic of his/her personal limitations and do two things:

• Take a deep breath and let it go (this gets easier with practice).
• Have faith in Karma. Eventually, these people tend to fall on their own sword.

7. Boundaries Are Crucial

It’s why countries use them!  Set boundaries for yourself against anything you perceive as negative: judgmental people, people who weigh you down, people who take more than they give.

Learn to say no with grace, and remember you’re allowed to do so. More importantly, you deserve to protect yourself because when it comes right down to it, you’re the only one who truly can.

CAUTION: Don’t use this as reasoning for not opening up to people under the guise of “protecting yourself”.  Your instincts will point out the difference and although living as a hermit provides few problems, it also provides little joy.

8. Don’t Get Caught in Analysis Paralysis

There’s no such thing as a right or wrong decision.  Don’t be so hard on yourself and keep in mind that you’re going to make mistakes, acceptance is the first step!

Its OK to make mistakes. Don’t Get Caught in Analysis Paralysis. Try not to over-dramatize the right and wrong polarity. There’s a lot of gray area in everything because it’s all based on perception.

When I first read the excerpt below, it completely shifted my thought pattern.  I can’t remember where/when or who wrote it, so I apologize to the author, but I’d like to share it with you:

Make the best decision you can with the information you have on hand and MOVE ON. If something doesn’t work and you have to improvise, Modify on the Fly.

Either way, you win!  Don’t let the fear of making the “wrong” decision stop you from make A decision.

9. Don’t Keep Banging on a Door That Won’t Open

We’ve heard it before: if one door closes, another will open, but let’s take it one step further…

If one door keeps slamming in your face, it’s probably because you’re not meant to go through it. Think about it.

Maybe God and Universe are keeping you from massive awfulness and you’re forcing the issue. Incidentally, I learned this the hard way.

Think of it as a flowing river. Picture the river merrily on its way. As it flows, should an obstacle appear, it merely flows in another direction. It doesn’t stop flowing.

We, on the other hand, with the need to “be right” – aka, willful stubbornness – will battle away at something without really taking the time to ask the who/what/when/where/why about that something.

Ask yourself those questions and if the answers are lackluster, or if the battle seems extreme for the purpose, ease up a bit and go with the flow.

10. The World is a Classroom

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It happens to be the most important Life Philosophy from which I operate. I call it Perpetual Student.

Basically, “I’m smarter than yesterday, but not as smart as I’ll be tomorrow.” Or, better yet, for my fellow Game of Thrones fans, “You know nothing, Jon Snow.”

There's potential to learn and grow every day. At any given moment something can change you for the better. Be open to receive it. Click To Tweet

Once you’re in tune to learn, knowledge and grace will come from the most unexpected sources.  It’s thrilling! With this attitude you’ll continuously build upon your life, and your life will become richer and more fulfilling.

A business colleague recently said to me that at “69 years of age he’d learned everything there is to know in the world.” I felt sorry for him, how small-minded.

However, understanding that the Only Person I can Change is Myself, together with the aloof and definitive manner in which he made his declaration, I knew I couldn’t change his point of view.  So I set a boundary, recognized his life journey, and moved on.

Every time you open yourself up to learn something new, you gift yourself new perspectives, and you develop your sense of compassion, empathy, understanding, and depth.

And last, but most certainly not least…

BONUS TIP: Happiness is a Choice

This tip is the pretty bow that ties all these points together in your 385 Life Guide to a Happy Life Toolkit. Your perception is within your control. Therefore, you are in control. Let that sink in, though.

It means, that even when you feel out of control, you are still in control. It’s all a matter of perception.

You choose to see the glass as half empty or half full.
You choose to see a mountain or a mole hill.
You choose to be battered by the wind, or to weather the storm.

When life gets tough, remember the words of Vivian Greene:

“Life isn’t about Waiting for the Storm to Pass,
it’s about learning to Dance in the Rain.”

It’s Your Choice, what’s it gonna be?

What do you think of these tips? Comment below and let me know.
If you have any other tips on living a happy life, feel free to share.
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Be Well!

Cynthia
385Life
Live · Love · Learn