#NoWords: The Best Tip for Marital Bliss You Can Use Now
MARRIAGE: THAT DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
What a tiny word for such a monumental institution. That dream within a dream it can certainly be; but at times, Marital Bliss can seem like a fantasy. Which is why #NoWords is my best tip for marital bliss you can use now! It’s worth its weight in Peace.
The Hubster and I have been married for over two decades, and although I don’t often give unwarranted advice, I’m going to bend the rules just this once.
A young bride recently asked Tom and I what is the secret to a long, happy marriage. My first response was in the form of a warning,
“What works for us will not work for you”.
It’s true because no two marriages are alike. A couple is it’s own footprint. Therefore, what works for us may not necessarily work for others.
But, against my better judgement I did dole out a tidbit of advice.
CONSTANT COMMUNICATION IS KEY
It may sound trite, but there’s no use beating around the bush — Communication is Key. I will, however, try to explain this somewhat vague notion as tidy as possible.
You and your spouse get married, but you and your spouse are two separate individuals, growing separately from one another, with your own daily experiences unique to each of you.
People learn and grow independently from each other, moment by moment. Therefore, as you evolve (grow wiser), you have to communicate that growth to your spouse…in its time…in Real Time; not three years later.
Expecting your spouse to just, “get you”, (and vica-versa) in the process of change is not only selfish, but the first stepping stone toward discord.
No matter how difficult something might be for me to say, how vulnerable it may be to reveal; if something bothers me, is on my mind, or I feel myself growing in a different trajectory that my husband, I always talk to him about it so he rediscovers me as I rediscover myself.
Now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. It’s not really a secret, so I apologize for dangling that bait. However, the element is usually overlooked.
COMMUNICATION DOESN’T HAVE TO INCLUDE SPEECH
And oftentimes, non-verbal communication is much more powerful. I recently happened upon this handy-dandy marital tool in the midst of a Heightened Discussion with my husband.
I call it No Words, or #NoWords. My husband and I will usually use it in hashtag because it makes us laugh, and anything that makes us laugh is priceless.
A couple of years ago, at the start of a mundane household chore, Tom made a statement on “how to go about completing said chore”.
That, in turn, elicited a statement from me, keenly different from his, on “how to go about completing said chore”. I meant to agree with him but my delivery failed dramatically.
That, in turn, elicited another statement from him about the chore, which led me to another statement and in less than 60 seconds it was a…
HE SAID/SHE SAID SITUATION
Clearly, our statements were thoroughly lost in translation, and on top of everything else, it was Saturday morning.
I had no desire for the day to be ruined by a Heightened Discussion. I also knew Tom felt the same, and I knew he wasn’t trying to bully or steamroll me because he’s simply not that kind of person.
I wanted to convey that I understood what he was trying to tell me and I was hoping he understood me, but in that moment I felt words were the Enemy, adding to the fray.
Clearly not in the mood, and in the spirit of Modify on the Fly, I said…
“You know what, Babe, sometimes we operate better with no words. I know exactly what you want to do right now, let’s stop talking and just get it done.”
He looked at me…steadily. I suddenly felt like I was staring in the eyes of a wild animal. Considering his 6′, 4″ frame, it wasn’t hard to do. I wasn’t sure if he was going to pounce, verbally speaking.
Instead, he surprised me with laughter! How wonderful! Quietly, the chore was completed in less than 2 minutes.
#NOWORDS NEEDED, BABY
We got such a kick out of it. We went the whole day declaring out loud, “#No Words”!
- The kids started to get crazy, “No Words!”
- We saw something stupid on TV, “No Words!”
- Out to dinner we couldn’t help but overhear a couple in a Heightened Discussion. We poignantly smiled at one another and whispered, “no words”.
A friend of ours heard us use it soon after and made it his own also; it’s spreading!
No Words is like a verbal fist pump, and it works! Since then it’s become a staple in our relationship, one we’ve used countless times.
Whenever we feel words would get in the way, we just declare, “No Words!”, and continue on our merry way.
A WORD OF CAUTION
No Words doesn’t mean to be quiet or to not express yourself if you need to. Never That!
No Words is simply a tool to use when you can’t find the right words, or are too exhausted to find the right words (in happens to all of us).
It’s a tool for when you don’t mean any harm, and when you know, deep down, that actions would better convey understanding. You can always revisit the conversation later with better words, if needed.
No Words helps establish a…
And that’s a Marital Lifesaver Indeed!
Be Well!
Cynthia
385Life
Live · Love · Learn
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Wow! girl #NoWords – such great advice. You are so wise! 🙂
You crack me up Lise…I’m not sure about how wise I am, I just know this little gem curbed many a “Heightened Discussion”, LOL
I LOVE #nowords so much! I am using it from this day forward! Monte and I have been together 23 years and our heightend disscusion usually ends in either complete silence or LOL,…“shut up and let’s get it done!”
Precisely! LOL, now you get exactly what I’m talking about, No Words has truly become a lifesaver for us, it helps cut to the chase, no harm/no foul, and adds humor #TheHoneymoonisNeverOver LOL
You’re so right communication doesn’t always mean speech! That was good! My husband and I haven’t been married 20 years but we have made it 11 and I have to say that most of what you’re sharing here is so true. In fact, another think you are right about it no two marriages the same, but I am sure that all of these areas could be customized into each marriage and it would be a GREAT foundation for most people.
Thanks so much for the comment, Nicole, and you are right – couples need to take the Nugget of information, of tools, and so on, and then customize them for how it works with their relationship. And actually, it goes for every other relationship too, because people are so different, so when we have relationships with others, we adapt it to fit. Adaptability is another toolbox tip – I may have to write about that attribute next 🙂
I love this and will be using it, no words… we always try and communicate but sometimes, no words does actually say so much!
YES. IT. DOES. Particularly in a marriage. We talk to much, and as I have written, communication is key no matter what, but sometimes words can seriously get in the way, and not only that, they can undermine…My hubby and I have been using this tactic for a while now, and the added benefit is the fun factor. Anywhere you can interject fun and laughter, its a good thing! Have a great day and thanks so much for the feedback, truly appreciated in my corner of the blogosphere.
You have a such a wonderful way with words. Love this idea #NoWords!
I can’t wait for all four of us to use it together, Tom, Jeff, you, me…People will think we are part mute! LOL
Thank you for reminding us of a simple tool in life .. Often things get lost in translation .. the fact that #nowords has such a positive impact in our daily lives proves that there is no argument worth winning …
Proud of you and all your achievements !!!
You hit it the nail on the head better than I did! I love what you said, “#nowords…proves that that there is no argument worth winning.” I may use it, if I do, I’ll give credit where credit is due!
This post is amazing
I have witnessed all that you have mentioned here. So true to you and Tommy. Throughout the years and tears I’ve seen it all
You two should right a book
You have certainly seen first hand, although in the essence of social propriety, Tom and I tend to keep our Heightened Discussions out of sight from our families, LOLOL